Wookie Princess

He is sitting in a chair across from the bed.   In suit pants with his shirt open and no tie.   He has a drink in his hand and is looking over at the bed with a look on his face that you just know is trouble for the person on the other end.   I’m lying on the bed spread wide with ropes and his missing tie around my eyes.   I cannot see anything, but I can hear.   I hear the ice clink in his glass as he takes a drink. I hear his pants rustle as he shifts in the chair.   The anticipation has my heart racing.   What will he do to me.   The fear and excitement have my adrenaline pumping.   Is the anticipation worse or better than what he does to me?   My mind is only focused on him.   No other thoughts but listening for him.   I hear the ice and the clink of the glass as he sets it down.   I hear his clothes as he stands up.   His footsteps as he slowly walks across the floor to where I am laying.   All I can do is...

  Little Eric   I told someone about you recently. Seems like forever since I tried to discuss what happened. It’s not because I ever forget about you. I only got one day, but I will love you forever. It’s because I blame myself. Now you are all I can think about. I still can’t open the box of memories. It just brings it all rushing back. To see your picture and the few things I have It’s so little but so much. It’s because I blame myself. I’m the reason you didn’t get to grow up. My body failed us both. My greatest wish is to hold you one more time. To tell you how much you are loved. To tell you how very sorry I am That I failed to keep you safe Because I do blame myself AMH

  One moment anger, the next tears I’m angry you didn’t let me walk away I tried to save us both this and still have you in my life Now we don’t even speak That breaks my heart more than I can say Why did you have to matter to me The feelings I wasn’t supposed to have My heart was not supposed to want you In my head I can see the way you looked at me It brings me to tears every time I felt adored when you looked at me that way Like I was the only person you saw in that moment I’m slowly getting over losing you I wish it wasn’t goodbye I wish we could have stayed friends I miss talking to you so much I won’t reach out, I cant engage again I’m not strong enough to keep my heart hard For my wellbeing I will let this be goodbye Even though it breaks my heart I know I can handle goodbye You let me get over you once before Three weeks of silence was so hard Just when I was starting to really heal you came back So, I know it will hurt for a ...

  I put the walls up and kept them strong for a long time A few dents here and there as I made my new life I just never let anyone far enough to touch the heart Tired of hurting for so long I protected them with everything I had Then he told me I was special to him He told me I was beautiful He told me he loved me He said all the things I wanted to hear for so long I know better but the walls started to crack little by little I know how easy words are to say Yet I let the cracks form over and over I even tried to run when I knew he mattered to me more than he should I ran and he chased, I ran and he told me I mattered, I ran and he told me I was special Why did he tell me I was special when I wasn't? Why did he tell me I mattered when I didn't? Why did he make me feel wanted when I wasn't? I let the walls down and exposed my battered heart It has new bruises, cuts, and cracks The walls came down and now it all hurts more than I can say I'm building th...

  I often wonder why some sparkle and some don’t Why walking away from some is easy And others hold your heart. What is it that some have that make them hard to live without I often wonder what was missed with me Is my heart too much? Do I care too much? Maybe I’m just too much Or is it that I’m not enough? I have often dreamed of being special Someone that you cannot forget I haven’t found that in my life Maybe I’m not destined to have it. The shine always seems to wear off Maybe its all my pain has left me to broken Who wants a broken doll? I honestly don’t hate those that find it I just wonder if I will ever will Right now I’m not ready to find it And yet it still hurts that I haven’t AMH