Wookie Princess

 So much on my mind So many things moving forward I am excited and scared My life will finally be mine alone I will make my choices and live with the consequences Some are already made Others I'm struggling with So I'm focused on the positives New home to call my own New adventures with my best friend Finding my spots in my new space I'm having so much trouble waiting for it to get here Patience has never been mine So many changes in my life This year has been a roller-coaster I can't wait to see what the next brings  I'm ready to be home

I made a mistake not to long ago I listened to words instead of actions Its not the first time I have done it It probably won't be the last  I will try and remember the lesson Not make the mistake again Each time I do I remember why actions speak louder than words So I am moving on and leaving the choice out of my hands No more trying to hold on to what I want to be I will not take this on myself I communicated and apparently it made no difference So the choice is no longer mine to make I will enjoy the life I have made Its up to you if you want to be in it or not I'm no longer asking I have made my thoughts as clear as possible Its time for you to make your decision and live with the consequences I have already made mine I'm moving forward with my life  

So many voices in my head on repeat You are too sensitive You are so emotional You are so needy You are to much You are not enough The sad thing is most of these are things people I loved said to me Some thinking they were helping me by making me stronger Some to deflect their own feelings of inadequacy Some because they were just trying to hurt me Then it became my inner dialogue The things that make me unique became the things I hated most So when my feelings where hurt I said nothing When I had strong feelings I pushed them down I stopped reaching out to people when I needed support I stopped voicing my thoughts and feelings and learned to just listen I tried to make myself into whatever I felt the other person wanted I started changing that last year after my world fell apart I was so exhausted trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be I made a lot of progress until the spring of this year Then a few things changed that for whatever reason sent me spiraling My touchstones wer...

  I thought it was safe to let you in. You didn’t belong to me so you couldn’t hurt me.   I knew upfront you couldn’t be mine.   So, my already damaged heart was going to be just fine.   I couldn’t have been more wrong.   It just meant when I fell, I was alone.   It was supposed to be some innocent flirting and turned my world upside down.   I could talk to you about anything and nothing. I suddenly realized the life I was living was killing me.   You opened my eyes and broke my heart all at once.   So, I stepped away to deal with my feelings and my life.   Once I had healed enough, I let you back in.   Friends only at first.   I couldn’t let it be more.   Now you are one of my best friends and I love you as such.   We flirt innocently from time to time, but the relationship is different.   It is a good difference though.   You helped me take the step I needed.   You saved my life.   Who knew heart...