Wookie Princess

  Today was not a good day At times the sadness overwhelmed me I was able to push it away in short bursts of happiness Pretending the smile on my face was real When I let my mind wander, those smiles turned to tears Nothing wrong today just a day to feel sad Maybe I was due a sad day to put happy ones in perspective Maybe I am just human and get sad from time to time But sad today is ok from time to time Just as long as today doesn’t become tomorrow Or the week, month, year For today only I am allowed to be sad To allow out the pain I keep buried deep inside But only today.   AMH  

  Emotional nightmares holding me down Years of pain coming to a head Despair, anger, loneliness, fear Unwanted, unneeded, unappreciated Escape to a virtual world where at least I can feel alive Finally getting some of the attention I so much desire Realizing this is fantasy and I need to step away Breaking my heart by putting up a wall to save my soul The tears were as endless as the pain The day I realized I was in to much pain to go on The day I decided to put me first Making the calls to get the help I needed was beyond difficult Realizing my own happiness would require me to be selfish for the first time So much anger coming my way from so many different directions Keeping my chin up through it all Mistakes so many mistakes trying to find my way Life on constant hold waiting for the new life to begin New beginnings are so tough and often lonely Settling into my new home calmed the crazy for a bit Then the bird needed to fly Experience it...

  Every time I think about what I want I start thinking about others feelings and reactions When is it going to be ok to put me first? Is it selfish to want to be happy? When the price comes at the happiness of others?

  Pain in my heart Feels like there is no end Hearts open to me Arms to engulf me Support in the most unlikely places Someone does care At least a little Maybe not so lost after all Not with loyalty like this Has to be something to me That strangers become family What would I do without Hard days not so hard AMH

 You were supposed to teach me what love was. Instead you taught me what it was like to be left behind. You were supposed to show me how to expect to be treated. Maybe that is why I expect so little? You were supposed to be the one I compared every guy too. Maybe that is what I'm doing wrong? You were supposed to be my Dad. Instead you were the first to make me feel like I didn't matter.