Late Night. Lets hit Play

  It has been a truly exhausting week already. I'm sitting at my computer waiting on some code to run and wishing I could just go to sleep. The quiet is deafening when all you want to do is sleep. I turn on some music just to have some noise. The music I picked has so many memories associated with it. Flashes run through my head as it plays.

Wrapped up for the first time and allowed to fly free even while incased so tight. Totally trapped yet free. Blind yet I can see so much. Sound, smells, touches all seem to explode all around me. I'm drifting and yet at peace. None of my insecurities or pain live here. I'm alive and free for the first time in so long.

My brain shifts to another scene. Deep kisses that feel so right. No one seems to get that right except him. I can't seem to get close enough. Damn I have missed his touch. Not mine, never mine, but that is ok. Lessons on what a connection should feel like. Learning what it can be like when done right.

One of the few I'm brave enough to tell what I want. When I want to explore or play. I run my hands over him feeling how soft yet hard he is all at once. Satin skin over hard earned muscles. I lead him to my room and push him down on the bed. I'm never this brave but with him its ok. I only want to lead to please. I have no desire to be totally in charge, I just want to give pleasure.

I lean over him kissing him again. His kisses consume. I have to pull back before I get lost in them again. All the while music plays in the background, storing the memory for later. I kiss and bite my way down his chest while rubbing my hands down his arms. Moving slowly down his body to what I really want. I love the sounds he makes when I touch him. So vocal in his pleasure.

I have no doubt he is enjoying what I am doing to him. He tells me with words and sounds. I never have to wonder. This makes me brave. I stroke his length again so soft and hard at the same time. I stroke his balls and lick just the tip. He involuntarily thrust his hips up and gives a moaning chuckle. He knows I'm teasing him. He knows what I'm going to do to him. I just want to make it last a little longer this round. It has been far to damn long since I tasted him.

I start at the tip again swirling my tongue as I go to hit his favorite spots. Getting him nice and wet so I can slide him in my mouth easier. At first I go down as far as I can stroking his balls with my hand. I'm able to take all of him somehow. I push down till my lips touch his stomach. He just moans and cusses. There is enough moisture now to make it fun. I increase my speed and add a hand. He tells me he likes the way I play and groans again. I get that feeling I get whenever I please. So I redouble my efforts to make it feel really good for him. Judging by the sounds he is now making I have succeeded. I love how vocal he is.

I could stay here just pleasing him for hours if he would let me. I love his taste. He grabs my hair and groans. Now he is thrusting into my mouth as I move down his length, holding my hair in his fist to direct me. I'm fucking soaked. I love when he controls me with my hair. He has now taken control of my movements, but I'm still in charge of his pleasure. I use my hands and my tongue to stroke him. Sucking him in just the right way. He is louder than the music now. I am getting all kinds of praise which makes my little sub self happy. He finally uses my hair to pull me off. "If you want me to fuck you, then you have to stop". It has been far to long for me to want to skip straight to the end.

I grin at him and lick him a few more times. He yanks me up and pushes me down on the bed this time. Fuck I love how he manhandles me. "My turn to play.", he says. Oh fuck I'm in for it now. He twists my nipple bars with just the right amount of pressure to make me want to scream with pleasure/pain. My nipples will be sore for days, but I love the reminder. Now its my turn to be tortured. The man has no problem finding the clit with his tongue. I'm already so turned on that my back bows with just the one stroke of his tongue. Then he adds his fingers. He reaches inside and hits just the right fucking spot. He strokes inside of me while he strokes my clit with his tongue. That is all it takes. I explode. I can feel how wet I am now. He is a diabolical man though. He is not even close to done with me.

He continues with his tongue, tongue bar, and fingers until I lose count of the orgasms. I'm cussing like a sailor there is so much pleasure. I'm not making any sense I'm sure. I am vaguely aware of his evil little chuckle. He knows exactly what he is doing to me. He continues till I'm a whimpering limp noodle. He moves up over me and starts kissing me again. I can taste myself on his lips. His kisses consume me again. I'm grabbing anything I can to pull him closer. I can never seem to get close enough when he kisses me.

He slides in me easily with how wet I am. I'm so stretched and full. I just grab on and rock with him. Chest to chest. He is in my ear telling me how amazing I feel. I'm beyond words at this point. All that I can do is moan my pleasure. It is not just the sex its the connection. There is a closeness that cannot be explained. Its not love. We do not have that kind of relationship. Understanding from having similar paths in life. A connection based on our similarities. Each knowing what the other needs is the best way I can explain it.

At one point I laugh out loud. He pauses to ask me what that was about. I do not know how to explain it. I'm happy. He has shown me that I wasn't broken at all. No one ever took the time to discover what I needed. I asked him once how he could set me off the way he does. He asked me how he couldn't. That I had so many triggers he didn't understand how anyone couldn't. If he only knew. I just shrug off the laugh and he continues. He has rung everything out of me at this point. He calls a break. He has done this before. He stops and lets us recover for a bit and then kills me all over again.

He curls around me and we lay there chatting. This and that, whatever comes to mind. He randomly strokes me making sure I stay very much aware. He doesn't want me to come fully down just enough. I know the break is almost over when his strokes become more insistent and he goes back to twisting my nipples in that delightful way of his. He looks down at me and grins then looks at his hard cock. "See what you did?", he laughs. Well I'm not going to let it go to waste now am I? I so enjoy giving him head. While I'm giving him head he reaches down with those damn fingers again and hits that spot again. He is not a small man so trying to give him head while having an orgasm is a challenge but I manage it. More than once.

Once he has give me a few more orgasms he slides in me again and starts with the kissing again. Have I mentioned that man kisses like a dream. He is twisting my nipples, kissing me, and fucking me with hard deep strokes. Somehow he manages to pull one more orgasm out of me and he finally lets go himself. We lay there for a few seconds catching our breath and then he cuddles in and we talk till its getting late and he needs to go home.

I do not know when the music stopped, but it was no longer playing by the time we were done. I was pleasantly floaty. Satisfied and glad we managed to get together for a bit. With our schedules there is no telling how long it would be before we managed it again. The thing was for a bit my brain was calm. I was able to shut down and just be. We both needed it so bad.

Now I have another memory to add to that play list. I will never lose that memory. It will never be tarnished. Memories that will always hold a special place are now attached to that music. Whenever I want to relive them I just hit play. Music can be so much in so many ways. For me this will be my happy music. If I'm down, stressed, or just need a min to be free. I can listen and be there again. My first flight. A night to remember. Maybe I'll add a few more to it in the years to come.

It is truly ok that he isn't mine and never will be. The friendship is more important to me than a relationship that would one day burn out anyway. I might be jaded on relationships, but its how I feel. For now we find time here and there to give each other what we need. Then we go back to our respective lives and revert back to just friends. Funny text and shared work frustration. Random check ins as friends do. Life is good and full.

AMH